It is our opinion that Conor Clarke is a serial abuser in Pittsburgh, PA. This website is to inform people of patterns recognized in relationships with him and to provide resources for navigating and preventing similar situations.
Warning: Be aware if you are engaging in a romantic relationship with Conor Clarke. Take what he says with a large dose of skepticism. Know that if you have had negative experiences with him, you are not crazy and you are not alone.
This website contains detailed information about people's experiences in abusive relationships with Conor Clarke. We have done our best to synthesize the information to make it as informative as possible while trying to minimize how triggering it might be for some folks to read it. If content about intimate partner violence, sexual violence etc might be triggering for you, please read on with the support of a friend or loved one. Having an aftercare plan is also suggested.
This is a resource for current or future partners, dates, friends and community members to learn about multiple people's experience with Conor Clarke's abusive behavior in intimate relationships and find links to information and support. It is based on the compared experiences of multiple people he has had relationships with, plus others who have witnessed or been roped into those situations. It is our opinion that he has displayed text-book patterns of Intimate Partner Violence with multiple partners over many years, and the effects have ranged from frustrating, to emotionally damaging, to life-threateningly disruption of mental health. Conor's abusive behaviors have been experienced by both flings and long term partners, and includes everything from belittling the person he's with to physical and sexual violence, and lots of stops in-between. Our hope is that by putting these experiences out there, we can minimize the potential Conor has to harm future dates and partners because they will realize that what seems like it "could be a red flag" in fact is. Hopefully this will also increase community awareness about abusive partner relationships in general so that other cases can also be avoided.
He begins with a campaign of love bombing. He builds a STRONG yet unreal sense of security. Then he isolates his partners from their friends by monopolizing their time and energy.
After he knows he “has you” he begins to cool down and pull away… this begins a long game of emotional manipulation by treating his partners in ways that are inconsistent with the love bombing and security. He acts hot and cold, making partners feel insecure in the relationship, this begins to make them emotionally unravel and question their sense of reality. This behavior begins to break down their sense of security and self esteem.
Then he tries to get the partner to heavily invest in commitments such as marriage, pregnancy and home ownership. His partners are often in a place of desperation and feel pressured to commit in order to earn back the treatment they received during the love bombing phase. If they are unwilling or unable to do any of these things he withdraws further and ices them out. If they choose to no longer engage with him he will try to keep them engaged by beginning to text/sext/love bomb all over again.
A lot of people have heard rumors about Conor's reputation or watched as someone they cared about fell in love with him worryingly fast, disconnected from their social network, then ended up in a volatile, exhausting relationship. Unfortunately, it is extremely awkward to intervene too directly in this kind of situation, and there isn't much that can be done besides to try and be there for the person. People who have been in relatitionship with Conor often feel disconnected from their friends, family or community, have felt afraid to talk about the negative aspects of their relationshp because of the ways that Conor has isolated them from people and has imposed emotional (and sometimes financial) dependence. As is typical in intimate partner violence, his partners have also often been manipulated into believing that all of the relationship's problems are caused by them or exist only in their own minds.
Conor has been confronted about his abusive behavior by both partners and friends, but he has ignored, dismissed or justified his actions in ways that can seem reasonable in the moment. He can be very persuasive. But with time, the behavior usually returns, either in the same relationship or in the next one. Sometimes Conor admits he's had bad relationships in the past but then he explains that the other person was crazy, or that he's been to counseling and sorted it all out, or he promises it will never happen again. But then it does. It's a very effective adaptation to keep people from running in the other direction. Since raising concerns privately has not worked, we feel that a more public announcement is essential to limiting Conor's reach. We can no longer stand by and watch his behaviour repeat and escalate.
As is common with many abusers, Conor may not be able to recognize or control his actions at this point. We acknowledge that this behavior is inevitably the result of his own history of mistreatment. Despite our sympathy for whatever struggles he has been through, the people he dates can't continue to pay the price while waiting for his growth and healing to take place. This website is not meant to stop him. It's purpose is to raise awareness about his patterns so that people can more easily identify if they are happening to them and hopefully make it easier for someone to leave him if they start to notice past habits aren't as well resolved as he claims. We also hope to help him to recognize he needs ongoing professional help if he wants to end the cycle of abuse. He can choose for himself to get help and stop these patterns.
This website is not meant as the beginning of a debate or an accountability process. Although we do believe in restorative justice and people's ability to change, it is our opinion that accountability doesn't work when it is demanded of an unwilling abuser. Forced processes often devolve into wretched debates as perpetrators act defensive, play the victim, justify their behaviors, and question the validity of survivors. An abuser's resistance or inability to admit the need for change only ends up causing more harm, burdening people who have already suffered, and exhausting, splintering, and defeating the wider community. Change is much more likely if the abusive partner acknowledges the harm they have done and initiates a transparent process with the accountability of their close friends, a therapist trained to handle intimate partner violence, and a support group of other abusers working to recognize and deal with their patterns.
We aren't putting our names on this for our safety and to avoid retaliation or contact from Conor. Please do not bother people who have dated him with your questions or comments.
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Don’t give him platforms
Talk to him about his behavior if you are already his friends or partner - be prepared for his denial and excuses to surface.
General Resources
Abuseandrelationships.org
https://www.nsvrc.org/
https://ncadv.org/
https://vawnet.org/
Rusafe app - http://www.rusafe.net
myPlan app - http://www.myPlanapp.org
https://www.ic.org/community-accountability-the-struggles-challenges-and-hope-for-community-action-on-sexual-assault/
Pittsburgh Resources
Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, call (412) 687-8005, text (412) 744-8445
http://www.wcspittsburgh.org
Resolve Crisis Services, 24 hr hotline and mobile crisis team, has worked with police, call 1(888) 796-8226
https://www.upmc.com/services/behavioral-health/resolve-crisis-services
PAAR (Pittsburgh Action Against R*pe), 24 hr crisis hotline, call 1(866) 363-7273 https://paar.net/
National Resources
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: call or text (safe) 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) https://www.thehotline.org/
National Sexual Assault & Incest hotline (RAINN) 800-656-4673 https://www.rainn.org
LGBTQ Resources
LGBTQ Specific Survior Support: (west coast) 206-568-7777 https://www.nwnetwork.org/
It Takes A Village Resource Guide: supporting LGBTQ Survivors
Trans Survivors
Forge https://forge-forward.org/
Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860 https://www.translifeline.org
Indigenous Resources
Strong Hearts Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483 www.strongheartshelpline.org
https://www.niwrc.org/tribal-coalitions
https://www.niwrc.org/resources/topic/domestic-violence
https://www.csvanw.org/lgbtq
https://postindustrial.com/stories/the-power-of-public-art/
https://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2020/06/07/black-lives-matter-artist-speaks-out/
"Psychological aggression is the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm another person mentally or emotionally and/or to exert control over another person."From ADAA on IPV (intimate partner violence)
"Although most people associate IPV with physical harm, IPV can present itself in many different ways. For example, as opposed to the bruise or black eye that can mark physical abuse, emotional violence is a less talked-about form of IPV that leaves no physical scar. This form of abuse includes humiliation, insults, or criticism, and can be just as harmful as physical violence to one's sense of self-worth. Similarly, psychological violence is another less observable example of IPV that involves intimidation, threats, and causing fear in one's partner."From WorldHealth Organization
"Evidence suggests that women who are abused by their partners suffer higher levels of depression, anxiety and phobias than non-abused women"